Saturday, April 19, 2008
A Whole Lotta Nothing
Haven't posted a new blog in a while. It's because there is nothing going on on the adoption front. We're still waiting for a little bundle of crying happiness. The only news that came today is our outreach coordinator quit our agency. It's ok, she's been replaced already. Anyone want to take bets as to when we get matched?
Friday, April 4, 2008
Say it, Don't Downplay It
Last night we went to our final workshop! I'm glad we went to all of them but I'm equally glad that was the last one. I mean, come on, how much prep work do we really have to do?! Maybe it's just overcompensating on our part since we're going to have an alternative family. In the end, it will all be worth it when the little one looks up at us and says, "Hey dads, you guys always say the right thing to help me develop a positive self-esteem and you are always displaying non-shame based behavior for me to model. There is no challenge I cannot overcome. Thank you."
The workshop dealt with issues of raising a child in an LGBT home. I think there might be a "Q" in there somewhere now but I'm not sure. I don't know how many more minority groups we can belong to so I'm just adding this one to the pile. The same techniques apply to having same gender parents as to having a transracial family. It's all about communication baby. I mean, communication WITH the baby.
We are supposed to be sensitive to how our child feels when he or she comes home asking why he or she doesn't have a mom. The kid might feel sad about that fact so we are supposed to have something prepared to say about it. And "eew, women are gross" won't cut it.
I think the most important thing will be to make sure our kid feels comfortable coming to us with whatever he or she wants to talk about. It may not be the most natural thing for us to always be open in talking about our feelings, but for the sake of our child, it will be well worth the effort.
The workshop dealt with issues of raising a child in an LGBT home. I think there might be a "Q" in there somewhere now but I'm not sure. I don't know how many more minority groups we can belong to so I'm just adding this one to the pile. The same techniques apply to having same gender parents as to having a transracial family. It's all about communication baby. I mean, communication WITH the baby.
We are supposed to be sensitive to how our child feels when he or she comes home asking why he or she doesn't have a mom. The kid might feel sad about that fact so we are supposed to have something prepared to say about it. And "eew, women are gross" won't cut it.
I think the most important thing will be to make sure our kid feels comfortable coming to us with whatever he or she wants to talk about. It may not be the most natural thing for us to always be open in talking about our feelings, but for the sake of our child, it will be well worth the effort.
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Blog Time Fun Time
Here are a couple noteworthy things semi-related to this blog, and our life...
#1.) Our friend Tasha put a mention of this blog in the quietly hilarious comic she does for her company's website. see it here. (look for comic number 27)
#2.) I recently got to work with my friend Anna again. We collaborated once before at Calarts and it is still as fun as it was back then. She does the design and I do the music. Other old friends from Calarts did the animation. Anna makes dolls that she sells to boutique toy stores and this is kind of a commercial for her new doll.
ps. That's David's voice you hear on the song
#1.) Our friend Tasha put a mention of this blog in the quietly hilarious comic she does for her company's website. see it here. (look for comic number 27)
#2.) I recently got to work with my friend Anna again. We collaborated once before at Calarts and it is still as fun as it was back then. She does the design and I do the music. Other old friends from Calarts did the animation. Anna makes dolls that she sells to boutique toy stores and this is kind of a commercial for her new doll.
ps. That's David's voice you hear on the song
Monday, March 17, 2008
Let's Race
On Saturday, we went to yet another seminar. They are informative but thankfully we only have one more left. A person can do only so much soul searching. Saturday's topic was about adopting transracially. They should really have called it "Being A Responsible Parent In Today's Race Conscious Society Regardless Of What Color Your Kid's Skin Is" or BARPITRCSROWCYKSI.
Let's face it, I'm Chinese so if we happen to adopt a white child, it will be a transracial adoption. If we adopt an Asian kid, it will be transracial for David. Our family already is of mixed heritage so hopefully getting a child that is different from either of us wouldn't be too much to deal with. I think the point of the workshop was to examine people's motivations for wanting to adopt outside their race. Are they ready for the identity issues that may arise? Do they have friends of the race they are willing to adopt from? If not, why not? Do they know about the customs and holidays of their child's race? Do they subscribe to Ebony Magazine? 
During the whole seminar I was thinking in my head that this seems to be a primarily Caucasian concern based on the history of white colonization of other cultures. I thought, this doesn't affect me, I was raised in the super white midwest and I turned out fine. By the end of the day however, I was left with a feeling of urgency and calling to make sure our kid gets the best of our culture as well as whatever culture he or she is born of. Well played Transracial Adoption Seminar... Well played.
Let's face it, I'm Chinese so if we happen to adopt a white child, it will be a transracial adoption. If we adopt an Asian kid, it will be transracial for David. Our family already is of mixed heritage so hopefully getting a child that is different from either of us wouldn't be too much to deal with. I think the point of the workshop was to examine people's motivations for wanting to adopt outside their race. Are they ready for the identity issues that may arise? Do they have friends of the race they are willing to adopt from? If not, why not? Do they know about the customs and holidays of their child's race? Do they subscribe to Ebony Magazine? 
During the whole seminar I was thinking in my head that this seems to be a primarily Caucasian concern based on the history of white colonization of other cultures. I thought, this doesn't affect me, I was raised in the super white midwest and I turned out fine. By the end of the day however, I was left with a feeling of urgency and calling to make sure our kid gets the best of our culture as well as whatever culture he or she is born of. Well played Transracial Adoption Seminar... Well played.
Thursday, March 13, 2008
30:2 to Yuma
No word on a possible match yet. We just got back from a nice little vacation in Palm Springs. My parents flew in to see a tennis tournament so David and I went down there to hang with them for a few days. We relaxed in the sun and even got to play some golf! 
We got back just in time to attend our Infant CPR class. We learned how to do compressions, breaths and the baby heimlich maneuver. For CPR, it's 30 compressions to 2 breaths in case you are reading this near an unconscious person. And don't forget to clear the airway to make sure your breaths are effective. 
and thus the waiting continues...
We got back just in time to attend our Infant CPR class. We learned how to do compressions, breaths and the baby heimlich maneuver. For CPR, it's 30 compressions to 2 breaths in case you are reading this near an unconscious person. And don't forget to clear the airway to make sure your breaths are effective. 
and thus the waiting continues...
Sunday, March 2, 2008
The Event Was Jam PACT
"She's so cute! How could anyone have given her up?"
"Have you met his real parents?"
"Maybe one day you can still have kids of your own."
Yesterday David and I went to an all day seminar called "Inside Outside" sponsored by an organization called PACT. The focus of this workshop was to explore the ways people talk about adoption; both inside and outside the family. Those seemingly innocent comments above contain a deeper subtext about the way society feels about adoption. Clue: our culture thinks since it's not most people's first choice, it's a worse choice. That is so ridiculous it's redonkulous!
I had been aware of this but really had no idea how deep it ran until we started the adoption process. Almost everyone we've told has been supportive and wonderful (so it's not you guys... Love You!) but there have been a few stray comments here and there that have caught us off guard. Since we're deep in this process, we are educationally much further along than the general population on adoption so I'm chalking up negative comments to ignorance rather than mal-intent.
The seminar was great in teaching us how to talk to people about why we're doing this. Also, it reminded us that we don't have to give out every little piece of information. This is after all, going to be our family story and certain things should remain private. Hmmm, maybe I shouldn't be blogging about this... ANYHOO, if anyone is thinking of asking us a question like those I mentioned at the beginning, we have learned to humbly answer:
-Your choice of words makes us feel sad inside.
-We ARE the real parents... And you AREn't supposed to say that.
-That thing IS our own kid.
"Have you met his real parents?"
"Maybe one day you can still have kids of your own."
Yesterday David and I went to an all day seminar called "Inside Outside" sponsored by an organization called PACT. The focus of this workshop was to explore the ways people talk about adoption; both inside and outside the family. Those seemingly innocent comments above contain a deeper subtext about the way society feels about adoption. Clue: our culture thinks since it's not most people's first choice, it's a worse choice. That is so ridiculous it's redonkulous!
I had been aware of this but really had no idea how deep it ran until we started the adoption process. Almost everyone we've told has been supportive and wonderful (so it's not you guys... Love You!) but there have been a few stray comments here and there that have caught us off guard. Since we're deep in this process, we are educationally much further along than the general population on adoption so I'm chalking up negative comments to ignorance rather than mal-intent.
The seminar was great in teaching us how to talk to people about why we're doing this. Also, it reminded us that we don't have to give out every little piece of information. This is after all, going to be our family story and certain things should remain private. Hmmm, maybe I shouldn't be blogging about this... ANYHOO, if anyone is thinking of asking us a question like those I mentioned at the beginning, we have learned to humbly answer:-Your choice of words makes us feel sad inside.
-We ARE the real parents... And you AREn't supposed to say that.
-That thing IS our own kid.
Monday, February 18, 2008
We Got Mail
This weekend I was doing my routine email check and there was a message from someone who saw our profile from Adoption Connection!
We've only been in outreach for a week and already someone wants to place their kid with us? We decided to turn it down because we weren't sure if we could handle this particular situation. The child is 2 years old, and has various health issues. David and I had to do a lot of serious soul searching because how can you say 'no' to anyone? We are going to refer her to the people at Adoption Connection and maybe they can help her out.
We've only been in outreach for a week and already someone wants to place their kid with us? We decided to turn it down because we weren't sure if we could handle this particular situation. The child is 2 years old, and has various health issues. David and I had to do a lot of serious soul searching because how can you say 'no' to anyone? We are going to refer her to the people at Adoption Connection and maybe they can help her out.
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