Friday, June 6, 2008


I'm not sure if I should write about things that aren't definite but I said way back when I first started this blog that I wanted to chronicle the process of our adoption. Warts and all. This entry will be a TIMELINE of the things that have been going on lately. There are a couple reasons for making it a timeline. One is that so much has happened in the last few weeks it will just be easier to see as bullet points rather than individual entries. Another reason is David and I are still processing some of the recent developments and I'm just really not sure what to say about some things. Facts are easier to digest. I'm changing the names to protect privacy. So here goes:

- April 28 -
Driving home from work, I was called by "Joyce" from Adoption Connection and told there is a pregnant girl (Gwenyth) who picked our profile! She was 3 months pregnant and specifically wanted a gay couple. Her reasons for choosing adoption are her own but she is only 15 years old and might not be ready to be a mom.

- May 3 -
Speaking to a couple social workers at AC, they told us more details and asked if we'd be willing to speak with her. We said "Hell Yeah!" without the "hell". We schedule a meeting for the 15th.

- May 9 -
Joyce calls us and says there might be a little hitch. Turns out the birth father (Lars) lives with his grandma (Sue Ellen) and she is not keen on placing the baby with a gay couple. Because, you know... Gays are gross. Lars however, is ok with having a gay couple as parents. Joyce decides to meet with their family to see if she can help smooth things out. Our meeting is rescheduled for the 27th.

- May 14 -
David and I attend our Hospital Planning class and try to pay attention while our minds drift to the birth family.

- May 15 -
California Supreme Court overturns ban on gay marriage. Wedding planners and Target stores across the coast rejoice.

- May 18 -
No word on how Joyce's meeting went so we called her. She told us the meeting went poorly and Sue Ellen didn't change her mind about supporting Gwenyth and Lars' decision to pick a gay couple. Apparently tempers and nostrils flared. The meeting on the 27th is still going to happen as planned. Oh, also, Joyce tells us the baby is going to be a girl! My heart stopped for about 30 sec but I pulled through.

- May 25 -
it's my birthday! yay me. Some friends give us advice on how to act at our first meeting with Gwenyth's family. They said to appeal to her parents since she still lives at home. All I know is, I'll be happy if I can refrain from having a nervous breakdown before arriving at their house.

- May 27 -
Day of the big meeting! We are nervous but resolved to make a good first impression. About an hour before we leave for Gwenyth's house, I get a call from AC telling us this match is maybe only 50/50 at this point. Sue Ellen is firm in her belief that gays shouldn't be parents. We are demoralized but go forth with the meeting... Gwenyth and Lars are awesome. She is just like someone I would have been friends with in high school. He is equally great in that he is standing by his girlfriend when most of the time the fathers just disappear. We left the meeting on a high note but kept in mind that this pairing may not make it to the finish line if grandma gets her way.

- June 2 -
I call Adoption Connection to see what the status is after our meeting. Apparently Sue Ellen got mad at Joyce and doesn't want her on the case anymore. AC told us Sue Ellen was able to convince Lars to look at a heterosexual couple in addition to considering us. Gwenyth and her family are on our side and hopefully staying strong but Sue Ellen is possibly threatening
legal action if she doesn't get her way. Our hearts sink.

- June 6 -
Today. I was starting to get acclimated to the idea that this won't be THE ONE, but after writing this entry, I'm fluctuating between states of frustration and sadness. It is so unfortunate that even though both birth parents want us to raise the baby, the birth father's grandmother could have enough power to prevent that from happening. Worse than that, the ONLY reason we might not get this baby is because we are gay.


Anonymous said...

Wow ... I am so torn by your posting. As we've been told over and over, if this one doesn't work out, don't give up. Hopefully Lars will stand up to his grandmother.

Like you guys, my hubby and I have also signed up with Adoption Connection (your blog has totally inspired us!). As we are still in our home study process, we haven't been exposed to any homophobia like that ... but we have seen it in dealing with our doctor (who is gay but obviously not approving of gay adoptions).

Anyway, wishing you the best.

anika fajardo said...

Oh, wow, so sad. One step forward and two steps back for gay couples, huh? I hope things turn out but if not, I'm sure you'll thrive anyway.

Anonymous said...

Guys... I'm so happy and so sad to hear this. So happy that you know there are birth families out there who are interested in you. So sad for all those obvious reasons... Take heart. There seem to be so many unexpected ups and downs in this whole process.

Keep in touch too! (We'll try to do the same)

akira said...

come on sue ellen! wendell is awesome and would make such a great parent! it really stinks that you're getting stereotyped that way. i'm praying for you guys, wendell, and for the kid who would be so lucky to have you!

Anonymous said...

This must be wrenching. I am so sorry you guys are going through this push/pull. Sending you happy wishes from Chicago and hopes that a baby will come your way soon.

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